Waking up in bed with someone you find utterly repulsive is enough to give anyone a jolt. Was I really so desperate for sex that I had gone home with someone I didn’t find remotely attractive? I could only conclude that I must have been suffering from some sort of sex addiction.

But I was alone in this? Was I fuck. Gay communities all over the world have developed cultures of fast-food sex. When the average single gay man goes into a bar, pulling something tasty is usually fairly high on his list of priorities. And what’s stopping him? If you want casual sex, it’s there for the taking.

Why this culture has arisen is anybody’s guess. Maybe it’s simply testosterone given free reign. Most straight men regard the sex lives of gay men with jaw-dropped envy, and would kill for the chance to be so promiscuous. The only problem is that straight women won’t let them be. A straight female friend of mine wouldn’t dream of having sex with a man before the third date, her worry being that her partner (and everyone else) will think her a slut should she consent any earlier.

The fact that gay men live on the margins of society may also be a factor. Existing within a culture that is divorced from mainstream society gives gay men a licence to act as they please. In effect, gay men write their own rules regarding sexual activity. When mainstream society marginalizes your lifestyle, you’re not going to let its morality codes prevent you from fucking someone different every night if you want to.

The whole culture of easy sex often reflects other addictions which are prevalent amongst gay men. Overspending, gym-bunnyism and eating disorders are all symptoms of addictive behaviour, something which is increasingly common amongst gay men. An insatiable desire for casual sex could be viewed as a means of avoiding emotional attachment to any one person. In order to fill a gap in their lives, gay men go out and shag anything available.

The promiscuity of gay men is thrown into sharp relief against lesbian sexual mores. When’s the last time you saw two dykes sneaking into the toilets for a quickie? Moreover, many lesbians choose not to make the sleazy scene the sole expression of their sexual identity. Cork lesbians actually have—gasp!—a community centre, which has a purpose other than acting as a meat market!

Now, I'm not saying fast-food sex is all bad. Gay men have always used sex as a way of forging connections and building friendships. A one-night stand can lead to instant rapport, something that can take much longer to build through the regular friendship-making channels. I’ve lost count of the number of tricks with whom I’ve subsequently become friends.

And anyway, my days of slutting around aren’t completely over. Every now and again, I see something I like and take it home, without necessarily wanting a repeat experience. The difference is, I now don’t go on the scene with the sole intention of pulling at any cost. I’ve also re-discovered the pleasure of getting to know someone slowly, and letting sex follow feelings.

Is leaving a nightclub on your own such an awful experience? Judging from the hunger on the faces of the desperate cases who congregate outside The Other Place at closing time, you might think so. But if you’re going out every night, determined to get laid at any cost, then it’s time to take stock. Casual sex can be fun, but there’s little pleasure in shagging someone for the sake of it.

Take it from me: I still shudder every time I think of that bald guy’s face...