amnesiac
20th April 2004, 09:58 PM
www.eurovision.tv
www.esctoday.com
www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision
Drink two shots...
Terry Wogan makes a satorical comment that no-one laughs at.
Presenters try to be funny.
Female presenter changes her dress
Male presenter changes his dress - drain your glass
Bad time delays during video/audio link
Presenters overlapping with voter during video/audio link because of the bad delay
Presenters having a time-wasting conversation that no-one can follow, understand or care less about.
Tezza's predictions come true.
Performers
Performer resembles someone you know.
Performer resembles another famous person. Drink four fingers if that person is present in the audience. Drain your glass if the camera zooms in and lingers on that person.
Singers wave their arms around whilst singing.
Singers put excessive emotion into their singing.
Tacky and nonsensical song titles (shoo-wop etc.)
Main singer is grossly overweight.
Singers try to join in with musicians during instrumentals.
France does not conduct a musical experiment.
Retro/out-of-date clothing and hairstyles.
Singer from eastern Europe has faked blond hair.
Bad dress-sense. Four fingers if it's blatently offensive.
Visible/prominant nipples/genitalia.
The Maltese performer does not have a hairy chest.
High & loud obnoxious noises emitted from singer during their act.
Unnecessary dancing.
Act steals ideas from Eurovision acts from previous years
Interaction with the audience. Four fingers if the audience is unusually passive.
Dancing that surpasses belief and credibility.
Foreign acts sing in English.
Singer flirts with the camera when she has finished her song.
The song goes up half an octave in the last refrain.
A style of music that would be ruined by appearing in EuroSong.
A country from Former Yugoslavia has a depressing song.
Countries where the lead singer is not a native of that country.
Use of atmospheric panpipes
The judging
Reference made to Norway's null point.
Cyprus gives Greece 12 points.
Every time Norway gives Sweden any points but not vice-versa.
Every time there is an Irish performer in a foreign act.
France gives United Kingdom null point.
Acts where the lead singer is attractive and receive high (8+) points and the act is crap.
Surprising voting - you judge what's surprising!
United Kingdom come second.
Ireland win yet again.
A question about Israel's presence.
Politically-related effects during the act (eg. Croatian singer removing black gown to reveal white dress signifying "coming out of the darkness and into the light").
Acts are on their mobile phone to their family during voting. Increase to a whopping four fingers if they're on the phone during their act.
Television coverage & venue
Bad telecommunications link.
Preview video is completely pointless and/or a blatant fragmented tourist advert for the host country
Preview video is full of gormless smiles.
National symbols are seen somewhere.
Special effects are:
Cheesy
Better than the song
Both (obviously this is a case for four fingers' worth)
Drain your glass...
If the winning country decline to hold the event next year due to:
Financial reasons
Political reasons
Personal reasons
Moral reasons
All of the above
If Germany spares one single point for her southern neighbour, Austria.
If your own country comes first.
If Norway does not give Sweden any points.
Drink everything in sight if the United Kingdom come first and you're British.
If Greece gives Turkey any points then stop drinking!. This is very unlikely to happen so you must be veeeeeery drunk at this time. GO TO BED.
Germany's song does not mention peace, harmony or love...
Of course, it's always a good idea to try and consume a single shot of alcohol native to a given country.
www.esctoday.com
www.bbc.co.uk/eurovision
Drink two shots...
Terry Wogan makes a satorical comment that no-one laughs at.
Presenters try to be funny.
Female presenter changes her dress
Male presenter changes his dress - drain your glass
Bad time delays during video/audio link
Presenters overlapping with voter during video/audio link because of the bad delay
Presenters having a time-wasting conversation that no-one can follow, understand or care less about.
Tezza's predictions come true.
Performers
Performer resembles someone you know.
Performer resembles another famous person. Drink four fingers if that person is present in the audience. Drain your glass if the camera zooms in and lingers on that person.
Singers wave their arms around whilst singing.
Singers put excessive emotion into their singing.
Tacky and nonsensical song titles (shoo-wop etc.)
Main singer is grossly overweight.
Singers try to join in with musicians during instrumentals.
France does not conduct a musical experiment.
Retro/out-of-date clothing and hairstyles.
Singer from eastern Europe has faked blond hair.
Bad dress-sense. Four fingers if it's blatently offensive.
Visible/prominant nipples/genitalia.
The Maltese performer does not have a hairy chest.
High & loud obnoxious noises emitted from singer during their act.
Unnecessary dancing.
Act steals ideas from Eurovision acts from previous years
Interaction with the audience. Four fingers if the audience is unusually passive.
Dancing that surpasses belief and credibility.
Foreign acts sing in English.
Singer flirts with the camera when she has finished her song.
The song goes up half an octave in the last refrain.
A style of music that would be ruined by appearing in EuroSong.
A country from Former Yugoslavia has a depressing song.
Countries where the lead singer is not a native of that country.
Use of atmospheric panpipes
The judging
Reference made to Norway's null point.
Cyprus gives Greece 12 points.
Every time Norway gives Sweden any points but not vice-versa.
Every time there is an Irish performer in a foreign act.
France gives United Kingdom null point.
Acts where the lead singer is attractive and receive high (8+) points and the act is crap.
Surprising voting - you judge what's surprising!
United Kingdom come second.
Ireland win yet again.
A question about Israel's presence.
Politically-related effects during the act (eg. Croatian singer removing black gown to reveal white dress signifying "coming out of the darkness and into the light").
Acts are on their mobile phone to their family during voting. Increase to a whopping four fingers if they're on the phone during their act.
Television coverage & venue
Bad telecommunications link.
Preview video is completely pointless and/or a blatant fragmented tourist advert for the host country
Preview video is full of gormless smiles.
National symbols are seen somewhere.
Special effects are:
Cheesy
Better than the song
Both (obviously this is a case for four fingers' worth)
Drain your glass...
If the winning country decline to hold the event next year due to:
Financial reasons
Political reasons
Personal reasons
Moral reasons
All of the above
If Germany spares one single point for her southern neighbour, Austria.
If your own country comes first.
If Norway does not give Sweden any points.
Drink everything in sight if the United Kingdom come first and you're British.
If Greece gives Turkey any points then stop drinking!. This is very unlikely to happen so you must be veeeeeery drunk at this time. GO TO BED.
Germany's song does not mention peace, harmony or love...
Of course, it's always a good idea to try and consume a single shot of alcohol native to a given country.