David Hasselhoff - a legend amongst men

[bo_selecta]

1. David Hasselhoff once walked down the street with a massive
erection. There were no survivors.

2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David
Hasselhoff allows to live.

3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap!
That's David Hasselhoff!" Then she had had sex with him. At that
point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the
syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David
Hasselhoff could use to kill you, including the room itself.

7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time
Satan borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay
him back.

8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.

9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that
sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't
get wet. The water gets David instead.

11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.

12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of
World Records it notes that all world records are held by David
Hasselhoff, and those listed in the book are simply the closest
anyone has ever come to matching him.

13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses
to put up with lactose's shit.

14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.

15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.

16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying
glass. At night.

17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet
consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small
children.

18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even
touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in
between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat
itself out of fear.

19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded
gun and won.

20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar,
a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would
sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David
replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to
show the seriousness of his response.

21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky
child to be thrown into the sun.

22. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game
of tennis.

23. When David Hasselhoff does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself
up, he's pushing the Earth down.

24. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it
in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away
as an inferno erupts behind him.

25. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the
entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise
invented pink.

26. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse"
after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

27. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.

28. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets
an immovable object" was finally solved when David
Hasselhoff punched himself in the face.

[redbulljunkie]

Isn't this just the Chuck Norris e-mail with the names swapped?

[bo_selecta]

No idea. [in ten characters or more].................

[LittleTimmy]

Isn't this just the Chuck Norris e-mail with the names swapped?

There's a Jack Bauer version aswell.

[Slayer]

one or two are the same as the chuck norris ones I've seen, most of them are different.

highlarious though.

[Popeye]

oh get the jack bauer one!!

[wally]

15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.


I'm not hiding!

[JoannaRyde]

We have a little group on Queerid called the Baywatch Babes. David Hasselhoff to us is GOD!!!

[apollo]

The Proudest moment of the Hoff. (http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=Gi2CfuqcUGE)

[Uranus]

If you want a good laugh, read the customer reviews for his 'Best Of' on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-reviews/B00005Q8UG/ref=cm_cr_dp_2_1/102-5037250-0909721?%5Fencoding=UTF8&customer-reviews.sort%5Fby=-SubmissionDate&n=5174


...All in all, this is an extremely strong collection of songs from an underated singer. Move over Bob Dylan, the torch has been passed....

...The Teutonic power of David Hasselhoff's music will touch you in places that you've never been touched before, leaving you violated and ashamed. Don't just buy one copy of this album, buy one for every person that you know....

...The experience and emotions tied to listening to David Hasselhoff are like witnessing the stillborn birth of a child while simultaneously having the opportunity to see her play in the afterlife on Imax....

...Ooga Chaka, Ooga, Ooga, Ooga Chaka, What a Hunk a Chaka! Roowwwr. This "Very Best of" CD is guaranteed to get your bunny greased up and marching on all fours!!! Just the trick I needed to help get me through my divorce with a smile....

[randy]

David Hasselhoff is an Hermaphrodite.

[opus]

The Proudest moment of the Hoff. (http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=Gi2CfuqcUGE)

Fantastic! Just forwarded it to a German friend of mine, the Hoff is big there for some reason!

[bo_selecta]

Because he was responsible for the bringing down of the Berlin Wall!

[Uranus]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3465301.stm


http://www.davidhasselhoffonline.com/AmericanNineties26.jpg

[opus]

Because he was responsible for the bringing down of the Berlin Wall!

That would explain that then!

[apollo]

Hunks a bit of a stretch of the imagination isn't it?

[opus]

Seems he could be the next English soccer manager as well according to this article (http://football.guardian.co.uk/gallery/0,,1705217,00.html)!

The Hoff
"There is only one man that is better with the ladies than Mr Eriksson," purrs Ken Campbell, toying with his chest hair. "The only man for the England job is the one and only Hoff."

http://img334.imageshack.us/img334/9085/gallery7toe9jm.jpg

[chatelaine]

If David Hasselhoff was Irish and reared on a halting site, would he be called "The Hoss"?

[opus]

*The Hoff on the BIG screen*

Anderson to make cameo in Baywatch movie
10/02/2006 - 08:06:47

Hollywood beauty Pamela Anderson will make a cameo appearance in the forthcoming movie spin-off of TV show Baywatch.

Anderson, who starred in the lifeguard soap in the early 1990s, is being lined up by David Hasselhoff to appear in the big screen version alongside other Baywatch castmates, who are yet to be confirmed but could include Carmen Electra, Erika Eleniak, Yasmin Bleeth and Traci Bingham.

The movie's director Eli Roth says: "Pammy and the original girls will most likely do cameos in the movie. For the main cast, they want to go with a new crop of hotties.

"The other producers spoke to Pamela about it and she said she'd love to do a cameo. For me, it just wouldn't be Baywatch without her."

Hasselhoff adds: "The film will be set in different locations around the world. There will be lifeguards who are also sent on crime-busting sprees."

[admin]

esp for all you Hoff fans [:-P]

[youdirtybird]

I'm a little disturbed by that[:-(]

[admin]

I'm a little disturbed by that[:-(]

as is my whole office! [:-O ]

[nicenic]

I am jusrt wondering why do people here in ireland think we germans do LoVE David hasselhoff? I mean yes he was famous like years ago with his song Lookin for freedom, but this was like 15 years ago! HAHA! [:-D] [:-D] [:-D] [:-D] [:-D]

[redbulljunkie]

I am jusrt wondering why do people here in ireland think we germans do LoVE David hasselhoff?

Why? Because we believe absolutely everything we read on the net here in Ireland. Absolutely everything.

Now behave. Our lizard masters are reading everything we type.

[nicenic]

yeah I would say so! HAHAHA! But thats the question i do get when David is for some reason the topic! [:-D] [:-D] [:-D]

[amnesiac]

The Hoff for Eurovision? Come on Deutschland, do it. DO IT!

[admin]

This awful Hoff music video has me laughing all morning [:-D]

http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=Gi2CfuqcUGE [:-P]

Also attached is Hoff soap dispenser [;-)]

Its wrong on so many levels!

[lacka]

This awful Hoff music video has me laughing all morning [:-D]

Holy Mother Of God - the nightmares I'm going to have from that - it's so bad it's almost good, almost.

[opus]

Holy Mother Of God - the nightmares I'm going to have from that - it's so bad it's almost good, almost.

Well at least you can say that the man doesn't take himself seriously! There's no way anyone could appear in a video like that otherwise is there?????

[Slayer]

that is brilliant. oh i nearly pissed myself.

[youdirtybird]

he should have got CorkBlueEyes to make the vidieo.....CorkBlueEyes one on bebo had much better effects[:-?]

[opus]

Just what was the man doing [:-?]

03/07/2006 - 10:05:47

Former Baywatch star David Hasselhoff is recovering after undergoing surgery for an injury he suffered during a shaving accident.

The actor/singer severed a tendon in his right arm while shaving in the bathroom of a gym in the Sanderson Hotel in London on Thursday.

Hasselhoff hit his head on a chandelier, which showered his arm with broken glass.

Doctors operated on the injured tendon and the 53-year-old star spent one night at St Thomas' Hospital in central London.

According to his publicist, Judy Katz: "He's fine. He's out of the hospital and will resume filming tomorrow."

The star is currently in London filming a commercial for a British Internet company.

[Shiva]

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3382491587979249836
New music video [:-))]

[bi4fship]

The link doesn't work shiva.

[LittleTimmy]

The link doesn't work shiva.

It works for me!

[admin]

It works for me!
The video or the link to the video [;-)]

I find the video pretty disturbing to be honest [:-O ]

[redbulljunkie]

The video or the link to the video [;-)]


Haha, exactly what I was thinking [:-)]

[opus]

Got this in email today, sounds like it came from the Sun so no idea if it's true or not. That video is bizarre!


'BEER-swilling Baywatch star David Hasselhoff was booted out of Wimbledon - because he was "steaming drunk".

'A guard led him from the tennis tournament's grounds after a series of clashes with security staff.

'FIRST, the 53-year-old actor had a blazing row outside Centre Court. Guards would not let him in because he did not have a valid ticket.

'THEN he was banned from press and players' bars as he tried to get another drink.

'Hasselhoff, who has fought a long battle with booze, yelled at staff: "You should let me in. Do you know who I am? I'm The Hoff."'

[Slayer]

apparently that's untrue.

[apollo]

Didn't he have issues with alcohol abuse before in the past.

[opus]

Just can't stop myself keeping the Hoff thread going [;-)]

Rapper Ice-T is set to produce David Hasselhoff's first hip-hop album (http://www.online.ie/Entertainment/News.aspx?newsId=395306).

The pair are neighbours in Los Angeles and are said to have struck up a close friendship.

Hasselhoff has released seven albums and is hugely popular in Germany.

"The man is a legend," says Ice-T. "We are going to show a whole new side of him."

Ice-T, real name Tracy Morrow, is convinced the 51-year-old former Baywatch star can take on the biggest names in rap.

He added: "He's gonna come out as Hassle The Hoff - I promise you. The Hoff will surprise people with his rap skills and humour."

[opus]

This was doing the rounds last week, could very well be a piss take <:)>
--
Read text below first. . .this is a real email sent to an agency!!!!!


This guy sent this as a serious email to a PR company in Belfast!! Just look at the pix of him, hilarious!!


Dear "Stakeholdergroup",

After having my eyes lasered a month ago I've been mobbed by people in Belfast asking to have their photographs taken with me because I look like David Hasselhoff and I reckon that I could use this unusual talent for PR events.

I live in East Belfast, so its pretty easy for me to turn up to local events.

My telephone number is 07866 XXX XXX.

I have a degree in Business Studies too that specialised in Marketing, so I might be able to help you in other ways.

Please tell me your thoughts.

Many thanks,

[Shiva]

[:-&]
Special is one word for it

[bi4fship]

Special? The likeness is uncanny with his stomach sucked in [:-))]

[admin]

It just goes on and on!

http://www.gethasselhofftonumber1.com/ [:-P]

Think what he's given to the world. Knight Rider. Baywatch. The reunification of East and West Germany. Untold laughter from forwarded e-mails of him in hotpants.

He's given a lot. It's time we gave something back.

The Hoff's having a hard time. He's split from his wife. He needs a lift.

Let's help him out with something that would mean the world to him. Something that would repay all the goodness he's given us over the years. A glittering prize that thus far eludes him.

A top spot in the UK music charts.

Let's get Hoff to Number One.

[louislestat]

I'd love to see him get to number one. I think he's hilarious in a sort of William Shatner way.
He starred in 'Jekyl and Hyde the musical' a few years back and he was fantastic...............honest I swear. He was brilliant in it. I have the DVD[:'']

[LittleTimmy]

David Hasle hoff is going to appear on Turbidy Tonight (tomorrow night). That'll be fair cheesy I'd say.

[Invincible]

I've just heard his song n seen the video....oh dear god NO! It's horrendous! MAYBE it might grow on me slightly the more i hear it, but i'm doubting very very much. What's so great about him anyway?

[wally]

David Hasle hoff is going to appear on Turbidy Tonight (tomorrow night). That'll be fair cheesy I'd say.

I saw a few minutes of it and it was oozing cheese! & he was caked in make-up & looked dreadful.
(I had a very uneventful weekend)

[opus]

It's been a few months with no Hoff stuff so here's something seasonal <:)>

[louislestat]

It's been a few months with no Hoff stuff so here's something seasonal <:)>

Awww I love it. How cheezy! Bring on the fromage![:-D]

[Shiva]

u64JcSsntWU

[louislestat]

I loooooooooooooove that!!

[opus]

Good to see he can take the p*ss out of himself (in return for advertising $ of course). At least he doesn't take himself too seriously.

[opus]

Bit late for Valentines day but still....

http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/1148/valentinesxc9.jpg

[opus]

Hasn't been a Hoff post in a while so when I came across this today on movieblog.com (http://www.themovieblog.com/2008/09/beverly-hills-ninja-2) knew I had to post it [;-)]

[Shiva]

Both class and yuck at the same time lol

[Hay-ch]

I thought being American he would have been circumscised?

[opus]

This was doing the rounds on email today :)