I think its time to come out to my family

[niamhcinnoir]

My sister is asking my best friend if im gay, now she has currently told my sister that she knows nothing but i know in my heart and soul that its only time before she brings it up again, honestly i am scared out of my mind to tell her, i dreamt about her reaction last night and she decked me and knocked me out.

I have been under a lot of stress recently because of her ex and it almost sent me over the edge, so in an ideal world i would ike to be as far away from Cork as possible when i tell her, because within am hour of her knowing my mother will know, and it wil break my mums heart (shes been planning my wedding for a few years now)

any advice appriciated

[Serenitatis]

That is a tough situation. My first thought is not to come out because you think you are being forced. It should be your choice. Things may not work out that way and may come to a head before you are ready. I honestly don't know what I'd do in that situation. My own parents seem to have given up on the idea of me getting a woman. I hope things go the best possible way for you

[corcaigh_abu]

Originally Posted by niamhcinnoir

My sister is asking my best friend if im gay, now she has currently told my sister that she knows nothing but i know in my heart and soul that its only time before she brings it up again, honestly i am scared out of my mind to tell her, i dreamt about her reaction last night and she decked me and knocked me out.

I have been under a lot of stress recently because of her ex and it almost sent me over the edge, so in an ideal world i would ike to be as far away from Cork as possible when i tell her, because within am hour of her knowing my mother will know, and it wil break my mums heart (shes been planning my wedding for a few years now)

any advice appriciated

I'm thinking it might be best to wait till you feel abit more ready cus ya don't sound like ya would be doing it if ya werent in this current situation. Is yer sister older r younger than you? Maybe don't rush into it but try and prepare yerself for how you would tell them if you feel its come to a stage where you have to/want to. And maybe if you ask yer sister not to she might not tell yer mum straight away and you can prepare abit better. Yer mum might be abit upset at first but she wil probably come round ya once she sees yer happy and that.

[falcon]

to be honest now, this is where people get caught up...the fear of what people think. Why people care is beyond me at this stage of my life but I do remember when I was in your situation..all I can say is..when you think its right..be brave and just do it. Remember you have a large friend base to support you if the shit hits the fan..give them a chance to come round..dont expect your mam to be over the moon straight off..give her time. I thought my dad would kick the shit out of me when I told him...he gave me a huge hug and kiss instead. First time he had done that since I was a little boy..so my point is..you never know how people will react..when time is right just be brave and do it.

[Alcofrollic]

Originally Posted by niamhcinnoir

My sister is asking my best friend if im gay, now she has currently told my sister that she knows nothing but i know in my heart and soul that its only time before she brings it up again, honestly i am scared out of my mind to tell her, i dreamt about her reaction last night and she decked me and knocked me out.

I have been under a lot of stress recently because of her ex and it almost sent me over the edge, so in an ideal world i would ike to be as far away from Cork as possible when i tell her, because within am hour of her knowing my mother will know, and it wil break my mums heart (shes been planning my wedding for a few years now)

any advice appriciated

Never underestimate Mum's
Personally, I wouldn't come out to your sister, just because she's been asking around, she probably already knows, and your Mum too for that matter.. In your situation, I would tell your Mum first, before your sister, out of respect more than anything.. And your Mum can still plan your wedding, with the rate things are going, she has plenty of time too!

Good luck in whatever you decide though. And like you've been told already, you have a lot of friends here that will be here to support you, whatever happens, good or bad. Friends are amazing.

[Venus1]

Originally Posted by niamhcinnoir

My sister is asking my best friend if im gay, now she has currently told my sister that she knows nothing but i know in my heart and soul that its only time before she brings it up again, honestly i am scared out of my mind to tell her, i dreamt about her reaction last night and she decked me and knocked me out.

I have been under a lot of stress recently because of her ex and it almost sent me over the edge, so in an ideal world i would ike to be as far away from Cork as possible when i tell her, because within am hour of her knowing my mother will know, and it wil break my mums heart (shes been planning my wedding for a few years now)

any advice appriciated

I agree with what the rest have said, i know it must be a really stressful time for you but don't rush yourself, come out only when you feel ready. Coming out can be difficult, especially to your family. Luckily mine just guessed(never having boyfriends and bringing my 'friend' back from college when i came to visit was a sure give away..haha) you may think your mother doesn't know but she probably does already. A mother's instinct, they always seems to know. Hope it goes ok for you and you'll get through it alright

[Abhainn]

Originally Posted by niamhcinnoir

My sister is asking my best friend if im gay, now she has currently told my sister that she knows nothing but i know in my heart and soul that its only time before she brings it up again, honestly i am scared out of my mind to tell her, i dreamt about her reaction last night and she decked me and knocked me out.

Dream interpretation is spotty at best but the fact that your Mom decked you and knocked you out may not be prophetic in the sense you seem to be interpreting it. It may suggest that the reaction you are expecting will be "knocked" out because your mother won't respond as you expect. Either way the funny thing about getting decked is that people can always learn to pick themselves back up.

What really strikes me is that right now you seem to be reacting from a sense of fight or flight. My advice would be to give yourself more time, your sister isn't likely to ask too soon again anyway, and just allow yourself to be in the right frame of mind. Least then if any awkward questions do arise you'll be in a space to answer them without too much stress.

As for your Mom organising a wedding for you, sometimes that can be a coping mechanism as she may be worried. With some answers she might have the chance to "normalise" what may seem to her as abnormal.

Hope that everything works out for you. x

[c3van5]

Best of luck Niamh. When you are ready, take a deep breath and go for it. Remember that any of us here are looking out for you.

[lind]

i hope things work out for you girl! and like if you ever need anymore advice, were here for you

[niamhcinnoir]

Thanks guys for the advice, i will see what happens over the weekend before i make a decision on what i'll do

[Bottom's UP!]

Do not do anything for awhile—you are under great stress. If your sister's nosey little friend wants to know, then everbody else will know, and sh*t will start. The people you have around you are not mature, so say nothing and go to the gym more often to avoid the nonsense. Out of sight out of mind!

Take control!!!!!!!!!

[PeterMcK]

Originally Posted by niamhcinnoir

Thanks guys for the advice, i will see what happens over the weekend before i make a decision on what i'll do

I think your dream shows how worried you are - but it doesn't necessarily mean that this is how things will work out! And what other people have said - don't do it just because you are forced into it, but because you fell you are ready to. And you know that you have friends around you - make use of them!

[existo solvo]

do it when ya feel ready to Niamh,dont feel that you have due to outside pressure or because of pressure ya feel in general.whatever your eventual decision is best of luck with it and we're all here for you.

[Slayer]

None of us are in your exact situation so we can't tell you what to do - you have to decide for yourself. Just remember to have a support network of friends etc ready to talk to of you need it, and of course we're all here!