THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of automatically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and I stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I ask. "They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies. I stop. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?" Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your arse, didn't it?" He's still alive, and with a great deal of physical therapy, he may even walk again.
I nearly fell off my chair laughing at this:- A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date or any sex for over 5 years. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek medical expertise with the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr Chang. Upon entering the examination room, Dr Chang said "OK, take off all your crose." The woman did as she was told. Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room." Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr Chang then said OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." As she did Dr Chang shook his head slowly. Your probrem vewy bad. You have Ed Zachary disease. Wurse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates." The woman asked anxiously "Oh my God, Dr Chang what is Ed Zachary disease?" Dr Chang sighed deeply and replied, Ed Zachary disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your arse".
A GREAT WEDDING RECEPTION SPEECH > > >You gotta love this guy..... > >This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson >University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned >it. > >It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the >reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the >crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long >distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to >thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law >for providing such a lavish reception. > >As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone >a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's >chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said >this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. > >Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex >with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks >earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. > >After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a >couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!". > >Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!". Then he turned to >the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here." > >He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most >people would have cancelled the wedding immediately after finding out >about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if >nothing were wrong. > >His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 >guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and >best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. > >This guy has balls the size of church bells. Do you think we might get >a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this: > >Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and >friends.............$32,000. > >Wedding photographs commemorating the >occasion...........................$3,000. > >Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in >Maui.........................$8,500. > >The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride >humping the best man..........Priceless. > > >There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's >MASTERCARD!!
This link will frighten the shite outta you... but some of you may have suspected as much http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2005/usa-invade-p1.php Speakers on and set your jaws to stunned! (not filth )
this is so cute (get someone to clean your pc screen from the inside) I know heeeee what how. www.theslurps.com
Evertime I heard Hurricane Wilma being mentioned all I could think of was Wilma from the Flintstones and the way Fred used to roar her name
