They are balloons, not missiles... and u tie them to the back of ur car.. or pick up in this blokes case... and they look like ur being chased by missiles... Jokes arent as funny when u have to explain them... Knock, Knock Who's there? The doorbell repair man! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha![B-)]
Stupidly funny An Asian man was trying to exchange yen for dollars and asks the American bank teller,"Why it change? Yestoday I get two hunat dollar fo yen - today I get hunat eighty? The bank teller says, "Fluctuations." The Asian man says, "Fluc you white guys too!"
http://www.superdickery.com 60s DC comic book covers (Apollo will be along soon to correct the decade). Enough to keep you laughing for hours.
http://www.amalah.com/photos/the_company_cookbook/index.html The above is hilariously sickening - who ate all the pies???
One sunny afternoon a Priest was driving his car towards Mallow. At that same time coming in the opposite direction was a Rabbi, for some reason he was also going to Mallow. They were both travelling at 75 Miles per hour ( cause lets face it.. whos gonna give a preist a ticket??) In the middle of the town the two collided head on! Smash!!!!! Bang!!!!!!! (I put this in myself.... aint i clever!!) They both get out of their now mangled cars and brush off the debris from their clothes. The Priest looks at the wrecks and begins to laugh.. The Rabbi says to him, 'what are you laughing at!! We just destroyed our cars!!' 'I'm laughing because this is a sign from God! It has to be! Our cars are ruined, but we are ok! I think it is a sign that our Religons should not quarrel and become at peace with one another'. The Rabbi considerd for a second.. and after looking at the mangled wrecks he agreed, this must be a sign from the almighty! The Preist looks into his former passenger seat and see's a full bottle of Jameson Whiskey sitting there un-scratched! He grabs the bottle and announces to the Rabbi, 'this bottle of Whiskey is the only thing that isnt destroyed in the cars, except for me and you, it must be a sign from God to toast our new found friendship!' The Rabbi agreees and the Preist offers the bottle to him. After skulling back half of the bottle he wipes his mouth and hands the bottle back to the Preist. 'Now my friend', he said, 'Drink and we shall toast this new friendship', and staggers a little. The Preist looks at the Rabbi with a smile and replys, ' I... Think Ill just wait for the Garda to arrive'. HEHE!! Worth the read? U tell me!
NEWSFLASH: George Bests Agent has just issued this press release "Georges doctors have just told him that he only has one hour left to live but he does not mind because its happy hour"
http://a3.v14853d.c14853.g.vm.akama...6cdf44bc2c5bc83ba01888b7fc356ea7e0/9999_w.asf This is just too funny
After a year of training, three women are going through their final assessment for becoming a CIA assassin. They are brought into a room one by one. The first gal is handed a gun, shown a door and told, 'Your husband is in there, to pass, you have to shoot him dead.' The man refuses, puts down the gun and is told to leave, he's failed. The second woman is given a gun and told the same thing. She goes into the room, but comes out a few minutes later and says 'I couldn't do it.' She too, is told to leave. The third woman comes in, gets her gun and the instruction and goes into the room. There are sounds of shots, shrieking, scuffling and thumping. The noise stops and she comes out. 'That gun you gave me was loaded with blanks' she tells the instructor, 'I had to beat him to death with the chair'.
The children are playing in the playground and then they come in to class. Teacher says to the first child "Hello Becky, what have you been doing this playtime?" Becky replies "I have been playing in the sand box". "Very good" says the teacher. "If you can spell "sand" on the blackboard, I will give you a biscuit". Becky duly goes and writes "sand" on the blackboard. Teacher then says "Hello Freddie, and what have you been doing in your playtime?" Freddie replies "Playing with Becky in the sand box". "Very good" says the teacher. "If you can spell "box" on the blackboard, I will give you a biscuit". Freddie duly goes and writes "box" on the blackboard. Teacher then says "Hello Mohammed. Have you been playing in the sand box with Becky and Freddie?" "No" replies Freddie, "I wanted to, but they would not let me. Every time I went near them they started throwing stones at me". "Oh dear" said the teacher. "That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. I tell you what, if you can spell "blatant racial discrimination" on the blackboard, you can have a biscuit!"
