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That night still haunts me, but only after remembering things over a few days, that I realised my drink was spiked. 🙁
You see, I was invited to this house party after a night on the town and as I had so few gay friends I decided to go as I wanted to socialise more with gay people.
I wanted to make a good impression and brought some drink to the party, some of which I gave to the host along with a bottle of whisky for my own consumption.
I was nervous, but being brave I just started talking to people I didn’t know, but as I think about this now, I realised there were few people at the party who kept trying to talk to me as well.
I went for a refill of my drink in the kitchen and with hindsight now, I felt at the time my bottle of whisky had been interfered with, but I thought nothing of it and kept drinking.
The next few hours are a blur, but I think I was, or tried to, kiss someone, which is something I would never do despite how drunk I was.
I also kept texting a female friend asking her to “save me,” which I wasn’t aware of at the time until I saw my phone the next morning and was in shock of my panicked texts to her to “rescue me.”
What stuck out for me most that night, was when I thought I was very drunk, some guy kept talking to me and I kept thinking to myself at the time, why is this person talking to me when I’m not even making sense?!!
I don’t remember much more, but I’m told I left the party randomly. But from what I recall I remember trying to get a taxi, but no one would stop…
The next morning, I noticed scraps on my arms, which to this day I have no idea how I got them, but regardless I felt like a total fool. I had thought that I had gotten very drunk at a party of strangers and was trying to kiss other people there which seemed very unlike me.
Of course, I can say now, that it was unlike me. I had been drunk many times before and never had I behaved this way.
My friend rang me and was extremely worried about me. When I asked why she was worried and she mentioned my “save me” texts. All I could think about at the time was why the fuck would I send such texts!!??
Nothing made sense – what had happened and to me? Who was the guy who kept talking me whilst I was out of it?
I could not get these questions of my mind for days until my friend asked me did I take drugs that night. I said no as I don’t partake in them. I was annoyed over this question as I felt she knew well I didn’t take drugs.
She then went on to say, I bet your drink was spiked, but I didn’t think much of that at the time because I was offended by her insinuation that I had taken drugs.
But again after a few days of stress and worry over that night, I began to google “piked drink” on the internet and I came across symptoms of spiked drink on the HSE website:
- feeling confused or disorientated, particularly after waking up
- difficulty speaking or slurring your words
- lowered inhibitions
- paranoia (a feeling of fear or distrust of others)
- amnesia (memory loss) or a ‘black-out’ of events (when you cannot remember large sections of your evening)
I had experienced them all that night and the next morning.
I was in shock, but it made sense with regards to what I did that night at the party. You know, what also made sense from that night? It was that guy who kept talking to me!
Did he spike my drink? I shall never know, but to this day, it sticks to my brain, in that, why was he talking to me when I wasn’t making any sense? Did he spike my drink?? I guess I will never know 🙁
Regardless I feel violated, vulnerable, embarrassed and angry.
What did I do to deserve this? All I wanted was to make more gay friends and this happens.
A few weeks later I recognised some of the guys from the night and I caught them looking at me and pointing me out to their friends.
I felt horrible, ashamed, but also angry. How dare they. I stared back at them until they looked the other way.
How would they feel, if they experienced what I did that night? Would that still be laughing?
That night still haunts me and I hope by writing this, it will help me move on.
I still haven’t but I live in hope.